No More Mr. Nice Guy
Robert Glover
23 people recommended it in 10 threads, 2014–2023.
2 commenters pushed back on it — worth reading the threads.
What people on Hacker News said
I'm most of the way through, and it has been a real paradigm shift in the way I view myself and my interactions with other people.
This book is for nice guys who never get what they want. The answer isn't "be a selfish asshole for once", but "if you want something, ask for it" and "don't expect unsolicited generosity to be rewarded in specific ways".
Not very far into it but it's almost cathartic if it applies to you and I feel like its a huge step in social/emotional development for me.
It is a book that asks you to look at your relationship to pleasing people and all the impacts, and it is, so far, worthwhile for me to look more closely at that.
Yes, a key part of No more Mr. Nice Guy is that "Nice Guys" operate on "Covert Contracts."
Plot twist: you’re not nice, you’re insincere and manipulative. Don’t shame people into giving back. If you want your needs met, ask for things. Be nice when you mean it, not as a tool to earn approval.
Raised as a peaceful kid whose introversion taught me to try to control my world and keep things to myself, I am now more aware of how much healthier it is to set boundaries and just let the world run its own course. Immensely happier!
I just wanted to thank you! The recommendation in your comment is changing somebody's life (mine). Thank you.
Where it comes up
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- Ask HN: What Books Are You Reading? 2014 · 2 recommendations
- Ask HN: What Books Do You Recommend Reading for 2022? 2022 · 1 recommendation
- Ask HN: Recommend one book I need to read this summer? 2019 · 1 recommendation
- Ask HN: What books have made the biggest impact on your mental models? 2017 · 1 recommendation
- Ask HN: Books you wish you had read earlier? 2017 · 1 recommendation